I've found myself increasingly looking to productivity systems and thinking they can help me become some dude I envision myself to be. Who that is, seems to be a moving target. This search has gone from Evernote, to Apple Notes, to Notion, and currently I'm at Obsidian. It's something like a programmer's notebook where everything is a markdown file so it doesn't take long to load like Notion. It's also a little more privacy-focused since they live on your system and I know how much Notion loves AI so I've moved away from that.
If there's anything I've learned, it's that these systems mean nothing when the underlying reason for it isn't there. Back to the point of becoming a man I envision myself to be, it's usually someone put-together, smart, diligent, and disciplined. All things I like to think I strive for but I believe I fail more often than not.
My workout routine has become an "if I feel like it" minefield and I'm a blind man walking into it. I'm also learning Mexican Spanish and I've gotten to "milestone 17" in my app, but still don't feel confident enough to speak entirely to a native speaker. I've become increasingly stressed out by a particular project at work that's taken me longer than normal. Now other people are relying on me and I'm sort of the hold up. Despite this "Dashboard" I made I still feel like these things are just aspirations. They're remnants of an Andy from a parallel universe whose atoms are trickling into my mind telling me I have a box to check off.
The problems aren't the tasks
What I can conclude from my journey so far, is that it doesn't matter what system I use. I'm not making a habit out of looking at my tasks and assessing where I am and what I need to do. That example list just shows the stuff I know I need to do every week, but what it doesn't show is the greater goal I'm moving towards.
I don't think I have that written down anywhere.
I think that's the problem, right? If I don't identify with a goal and tie these little tasks - whether they're recurring or singletons - to something greater then I've essentially made a Sysiphean board to move tasks from "To Do" to "Done". The work comes in finding what I've learned is my Ahamkara, the Hindu term for aligning the ego with the rest of the body.
I want to be Andy the tech guru, I want to be Andy the business owner, I want to be Andy the sculpted body guy. It's not that these can't be aligned together, but do I like what they make up? I guess that should be the real journey.
The image is a creature sculpture from the Meow Wolf in town.